Recovering Catholic

Hi, my name is Jade, and I’m a recovering Catholic.  Although I have identified as a recovering catholic since I lost my virginity, I haven’t come out as such publicly.  Growing up catholic I never realized that so many of my fellow CCD classmates also suffered from catholic guilt.

But really, what the actual fuck is catholicism if not a rich & powerful, sexually deviant cult?  The thing is, there are scores of people who are absolutely disgusted and repelled by the catholic church, while simultaneously they are true to the heart, blood in – blood out, hardcore, bottom bitch Catholics.  What makes them stay in a cult? I obviously have no idea but I know it is 95% catholic guilt.  Follow me on a broken journey…

I shall do my best to break it all the way down from my humble perspective.  I don’t care what anyone says, catholic guilt is a real thing.  I was indoctrinated to believe in an organization.  I was told who, what, when, why, how to worship and express my faith & spirituality.  Part of the good catholic girl training is going to CCD every Wednesday from 1st grade through 8th grade. As a catholic, you’re taught to fear GOD.  God isn’t a loving GOD.  I mean, he is if you’re a perfect little angel who doesn’t ask questions.  You’re taught that you must do certain things in order to receive God’s mercy.  “Have mercy on our souls” is a common phrase.  Brim and hellfire is quite a scary situation as a child.  So we’re coerced into thinking the wildest things because everything is a sin because we are all sinners, so no matter what you do, you’re fucked!  Atoning for every single thing you do in life gets quite tiring and impossible to keep up with.  So you fall behind and then eventually you realize you don’t believe any of the things you once felt guilty about.  It’s a giant cluster-fuck, really.  

In conclusion, we end up falling victim to spells as silly as “step on a crack and break your momma’s back”.  This is why I’m still in recovery.  The quilt over nothing!  Until I figure out how to rid myself of catholic guilt, I’m gonna smoke this spliff and get high       

The premises that are made to children about GOD teeter-totter on criminality.  How many lies were told to me during the 9 years I was in CCD?  Let me try to list them.

  1. Santa Clause
  2. I honestly believed that GOD would smite me down if I said a cuss word
  3. Pretend that boys outside of family don’t exist
  4. Priests never do anything wrong and you can trust them with your life.
  5. My first communion was marrying GOD
  7. Being told and believing that this wafer and wine was flesh and blood
  8. Drinking wine from the age of 7

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